From Parenting 24/7: University of Illinois Extension
Home Alone: Ready or Not?
Posted , updated Jun 17, 2005.
Summer is just around the corner! And for many working parents, considering self-care for your children even if it is for short periods of time, can be a real challenge.
There is no magic age at which children develop the maturity and good sense needed to stay alone. However, there are some very specific concerns that you should consider before your child is in this situation.
In Illinois, the Department of Children and Family Services, indicates that age 14 is when children can be left unattended for a reasonable amount of time. Children should be able to respond in ways that assure their safety and security. The child in charge has to have good telephone skills, good personal safety skills, and good home safety skills. Otherwise parents can be held responsible for leaving children without adequate supervision. Before children can be left alone a parent must have assessed that they are mature, responsible, and able to react effectively in case of an emergency. Be sure to honestly assess your child’s readiness level.
- Does your child feel confident and comfortable about being alone?
- Is there help close by?
- Does your child know how to safely answer
the phone and door while alone? - Is your child able to make an emergency phone call? [Important phone numbers are posted near the telephone.]
- Does your child understand parental rules and expectations? [friends coming to the house, use of unstructured time, use of phone, computer, etc.]
- Does your child know how to operate household equipment?
- Does your child know basic first aid?
Answering the Phone
When children are home alone, the phone can be a source of comfort and reassurance. Calls to parents, family members or friends can make their time alone less scary. In an emergency, the telephone can reach immediate help. Children need to understand that while the telephone is a valuable safety tool, it can also be a source of danger. If you have an answering machine or Caller ID, you can encourage your child to screen calls before answering them. Otherwise, instruct your child to:
- Begin by only saying “Hello.” Never answer the phone by giving your name.
- Never tell a stranger that you are alone or that your parents are not home.
- If a stranger asks to speak to your parents, say that they are busy and cannot come to the phone.
- Never give any information about you or your family.
- Offer to take a message.
Answering the Door
A knock on the door when a child is home alone may be a frightening moment. Children need to remain calm and realize that most people who approach the house do not intend to harm them. When children are home alone, you may want to instruct them not to answer the door at all. But if you do expect them to answer the door, they should try to identify who is at the door before opening it. This can be done by saying, “Who is it?” through the closed door or looking through a window. Children should not open the door to a stranger.
Internet Safety
When children log on to the internet, they are no longer alone. People skilled in using the internet can find out who and where your children are. They can even tap into information on your computer. If your children surf the web or use e-mail or instant messaging, discuss these important safety rules:
- Never give your name, address, phone number, password, school name, parent’s name or any other personal information.
- Never agree to meet with someone you have met on the internet.
- Never respond to messages that use bad language or make you uncomfortable.
- Always let your parent know if you find something scary or weird on the internet.
Find out if your internet service provider offers “parental controls” over web-browsing or email using your family’s accounts.
You can learn more about “safe surfing” at:
- GetNetWise
http://www.getnetwise.org/ - Netsmartz
http://www.netsmartz.org/ - Kidshealth.org
http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/net_safety.html - A Parent's Guide to Internet Safety (FBI)
http://www.fbi.gov/publications/pguide/pguidee.htm
Emergency Phone Numbers
Making emergency calls is a skill everyone needs to practice. When calling 9-1-1, be sure your child can:
- state the problem
- give first and last name
- give your complete address
- give the nearest intersection, cross
- streets, landmark
- give the location and/or phone number where the emergency is happening
If your house has no phone, find some way to get your children access to a phone for emergencies whether it is a trusted neighbor or a phone in a nearby store. Calling 9-1-1 is a free call. You can use any kind of phone – push button, rotary, cellular, cordless or pay phone.
Besides 9-1-1, parents should post other important phone numbers for easy access in case of an emergency. You may want to add numbers such as the poison control center; local power, gas or telephone companies; doctor; parents’ work numbers; and trusted stay-at-home neighbors.
Emergency vs. Non-emergency
Your children should understand that an emergency is when there is a real or potential threat to their health or safety or to personal property, and they cannot handle the situation alone. Examples of emergencies include fire, severe injury or assault.
In a non-emergency, children would have time to get help or they could handle the situation on their own. Examples of non-emergencies are minor injuries, the lights go out, or a lost house key.
Children can handle many accidents themselves if they are well prepared. Teach them these three important rules and how to give basic first aid:
- remain calm
- call for help if it is an emergency
- give first aid to yourself or others when needed
Dealing with Fear
When children are home alone, they may sometimes feel fearful. You should encourage your children to talk about their fears and discuss how they can cope with fear. Here are a few thoughts for discussing fears with your child:
- Acknowledge your child’s thoughts and feelings. When a child shows fear, it is important for others to respect those feelings. Make time to talk and listen to your child. Ask open-ended questions such as:
- When you’re by yourself, you feel . . .
- When you’re by yourself, you really don’t like . . .
- When you’re by yourself, you wish you knew . . .
- When you’re by yourself, the best thing is . . .
- Prepare your child. When children do not know what to expect or do not know how to react in certain situations, they may become afraid.
- Discuss what your child should do when afraid. Make a plan for dealing with fear by keeping busy [doing homework, completing chores, etc].
Talk it Over – Act it Out
If your child will be spending time alone, talk about family rules and expectations, and personal safety. Encourage your child to share their thoughts and concerns. Role-play “what if” situations to