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Managing Emotions

Hearing Young Children's Fears

Posted May 29, 2007.

Young children often have fears. They can be afraid of the dark, animals, noises, strangers, or being alone. “Hearing” a child’s fears means to listen and be supportive. Fear often eases when someone bigger and stronger is there to help you.

The most important thing for an adult to remember is that feeling fear is normal, and that children should not be ashamed of feeling scared. “Be a big boy,” or “there’s nothing to be afraid of” are common things parents say, but this attitude can make it more difficult to earn trust and ease fears. The fear is real, even if the cause might not be.

A child's personality and temperament can affect how he deals with fears. Children need adults who will understand and help them with their feelings. Ignoring a fear can make it stronger and create even more fear.

Ways to help young children with their fears:

Making fun of the fear does not make the feeling go away. All fears are real to the young child. Reassure your child that the feeling may be real, but what she is scared of may not be real.

Do not force your child to face the fear head on. This could turn a simple fear into a phobia.

Calmly explain the truth. If a child is afraid of monsters under the bed, check and tell him everything that is really under the bed.

Use blankets and toys to help calm. A favorite blanket or stuffed animal can feel protective. Imagination can be the root of fear but it can also help overcome the feeling.

Accept your child's fear. If your child insists there is a monster (because it is real to him), accept it and offer a solution. “Here’s some monster dust to protect you”. Sprinkle “it” over your child.

It doesn't help to try to talk him out of it. It helps to be there, hold and support, and then ease the child's fears gently and slowly.

Carefully supervise what your child watches on television. With today’s special affects in movies and TV, we can forget a young child doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and pretend.

Read books that help “master” their fears. . . If a child is afraid of monsters, read Mercer Mayer’s “There’s an Alligator under My Bed” or “There’s Something in the Attic.” Books help calm fears.

As adults we often forget what is scary as a child. We can help to ease the fear by listening. This isn’t indulging or spoiling. Being there for your child and not belittling her feelings creates a special bond.

Websites with further information:

http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1529D.pdf http://www.nncc.org/Guidance/dc16_fear.courage.html http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/anxiety.html

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